Language Goals
Despite being less than a week in, I’ve recently had the realization that I’ll never achieve perfection in this language. The absolute best I think I might possibly achieve is functionality, mediocrity, even proficiency—but not without a heavy accent and frequent mistakes. White-guyness notwithstanding, nobody is ever going to mistake me for a native Mandarin speaker.
I’m beginning to understand that the amount of time and effort required to reach a near-native level is… insane. And despite having been slamming my head against Mandarin textbooks for six or so years now, I’m still a long ways away: near-native level is not even on the horizon, hell it’s not even on the map.
I was recalling a linguistics/psych study today that suggested that motivation was the determining factor in acquiring L2, even more important than intelligence itself. I have no doubt that I could put in the work to achieve near-perfection in Mandarin. I could spend the next 10 years in Mandarin-speaking countries, marry a local, make Mandarin my entire life and personality, and then, I think, I would have done it.
I just don’t think I want to.
As of right now, seeing what the journey to near-perfection in Mandarin looks like has magically fixed my sunk-cost mentality towards acquiring this language. I see how much more it would take and I am amply ready to change course from my goals of perfection. I have had the motivation to get to the level of proficiency that I am currently at, and I have the motivation to get a good bit better while I am here in Taipei, but at least right now, I don’t have the motivation to get a whole lot better than that.
This is not a bad thing, and by no means does it imply I’m abandoning this language. All it means is that right now, I’m reevaluating my language learning goals, probably something I should have done quite a while ago. It’s not a loss of motivation or willpower, it’s a reallocation.
Before, my primary language learning goal was to achieve fluency. Not a very S.M.A.R.T. goal. This goal lacks a particular reason, and has no real motivating factor. I don’t want to go into business, I don’t think I want to permanently resettle to Asia, and I don’t think diplomatic ambassador to China is on the table. It was simply the goal because it had always been the goal.
Now, I’m reorienting my language goals around experience. I want to have practical abilities in Mandarin because I want to try to understand a fully different culture and way of life. To see what it’s like to live on the opposite side of the world, to connect with people, and to walk a mile in somebody else’s socks in about as different of a place as I could get. Now, the language isn’t the goal, the language is the tool. The goal is breadth and variety of experience, something I think is vital if I want to live a fulfilling and empathetic life, be confident in my experience and knowledge of the world, and in my understanding of how much I don’t and will never know.
I’m excited about these new goals and about what experiences Mandarin will open me up to.
And also: the new Indiana Jones movie is a masterpiece.